it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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