I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
