I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
