his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
