Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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