Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
