i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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