When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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