I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
