I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
