The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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