every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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