clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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