She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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