Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
