I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
