I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
