im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
