i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
