Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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