So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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