my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
