Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
