I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
