Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
