My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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