can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
