i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
there is glitter all over my balls
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
