I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
