So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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