then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
