I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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