So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
only you would photoshop your dick
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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