Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
