I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
