That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
