I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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