can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
