He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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