i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
