Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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