We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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