i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
