You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
