Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
