Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
