So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
