no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
