Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
