just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
