nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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