my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
