I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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