Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
