Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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