I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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