a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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