Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
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Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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