I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
