I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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