I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize