I bet he comes in French.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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