That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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