don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize