I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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