please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
