My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
