Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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