His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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