first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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