I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
