If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
