I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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