I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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