honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
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we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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