Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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