Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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