I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
