You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
